What a feeling.
Assalamualaikum.
Hmm. Yeah yeah. What a feeling i've got here. You know what, I met my long crush today. Well, I can see he's doing good. Hahaha. Butterflies, Y U NO STOP MOVING IN MY HEART? I thought we're friends? Aishh, this is the first time okay.
I never felt this way before. THIS KIND OF WAY, you know. His smiles, his funny yet annoying behavior, his stupid jokes, his way of talk, his heart. Ohmai. Am I crazy or what? Hmm, his heart was owned already. Well, the girl's prettier than me. Hmm, kinder. Hwck yeah. I must be dreaming.
Know what? Hmm yesterday, I dreamt of him. The girl and me were drowning. Hwck yeah, the dream really knew how to satisfy me, he saved me before his own girl. He ran towards me and shook me until I regained my concious. While the girl was swimming HAPPILY. Heck yeah. She lied to me. She told me that she cant swim. Well, me, the innocent one in my dream believed her. Damn. I almost died. Hahaha. Am I taking dream too serious or what? Haha. I just cant help it. Lol. Such a dreamer. Well, he said sorry and "I want to meet you tonight. I got someething important to confess. Wait for me at the same park that we used to go. Okay?" Heck yeah, I'm hell yea happy. Indeed. He asked me to wait for him at the park. EVENTHOUGH THERE'S NO PARK NEAR MY HOUSE AND HIS IN REALITY. Well, being the innocent girl in the dream, I went to the park. Guess what?
I saw him with another girl. He was smiling happily. Ohdamnit. My heart broke into pieces. I held my tears. Heck yeah. I knew it! He never loves me. My tears were falling like theres no tomorrow as I ran far away from the park. I knew I left him confused. But, yeah I cant stand it. So? He wanted to meet me just because of that girl? He wanted to introduced her to me like "Haida! Meh aku nak bagitahu, ni makwe baru aku. Lawa kan? Hmm, awek aku yang tadi tu, I dumped her minutes ago. So, how's she? Well, I need your permission. If you dont, I'll search for another. If you do, I'll date her." LIKE THAT? Damnit. My heart! I was running to where my legs brought me to. "Was he serious?" My thoughts cant stop bugging me and I started to cry again. Cry and cry until I heard someone called my name.
Yeah, that someone, that voice. I stood up without hesitant and cried even more. I cant help it, I ran away. I dont want to see him. Yeah, thats it. I'd avoid him. I'll make he hate me. He chased me. Being a women loosen my chance to avoid him. And there, he caught me and held my wrist and said "C-c-can you please stop running? Where are you g-going? W-why are you crying?" Obviously, he was panting. "Why the heck did you follow me! Let go of me." I yanked my hand away and yet, he tightened his grip."No. I dont want to let you go" I was confused! He has a girlfriend yet he told me he dont wanted to let me go. Aish. This playboy. "I said, let go of me. I hate you! Go away. I dont to see your face anymore. You're hurting me. Hei, I said let me go! Stop acting like you care about me, you fucking playboy!" the words I said left him dumbfounded. His grip was loosening. I swore I did saw his eyes widened. "You hate me, haida? You dont want to see my face anymore? Its that real? You're lying, right? Haha. Hei haida. You're just joking right? You dont hate me, right?" and now, why did he sounded so desperate? Ahhh, this is confusing. No! I dont wanted to hurt anymore. I'm enough of this fucking shit. "Yes, I hate you. You're just a stupid man that I fell for. Yes. I dont want to see you anymore, you fucking stupid! Now let me go! I want to go back home. I'd rather sleep than seeing your stupid face! Got it?!" I walked away with my hands holding my chest. Damnit, I felt guilty when I saw how his face reacted when I said that. I saw he curled his left hand and formed an angry fist.
"Stupid. I love you but you left me with no choice." The tears that I held when I was saying that he's stupid fell abruptly. I started to hiccup sadly. When I was looking at his hazel eyes, I can tell that he's shocked when I said those stupids and about. I ran and finally I reached my home with a heavy feels. I looked down to hide my puffy eyes and went right away to my room. I searched for my diary and wrote what happened before. My heart ached as I recalled the moment of being chased, the moment of being helped and all the moments that happened. Tears cant stop falling, the pen that he gave me as my birthday present, the pen that I decided to write was wet.
Dear diary,
Today I met him again. My only love. I told him that I hate him. But hell no I'm hating you. You're my life. my life. How can I hate my own life. That would be ridiculous. Well, I cant stand it anymore. Yeah, I decided to move on. I'm hell tired with all of this one-sided love. I'm sorry. You're not stupid. You're just stupidly perfect. I seriously never meant it. I want to see you more. Everyday. But, thats all were just stupid hopes.
Soon, I slept with the diary in my wet hands. The hands that were trying to wipe away all the tears.
The next day. School. Yeah. I woke up with a pair of swollen eyes. I dont care. I got my self ready. "Oh shit. I'm late if I kept walking like this. I need to get hurry." I fastened my walks. I closed and locked the door safely. I put the key into my bag and started to walk.
Soon enough, I reached the school. Students stared at me as if I'm a freak. Ahh yeah. I forgot about my poor eyes. "aww, poor you eyes. I will take care of you from now on! Fighting!" My hands formed a small fist. And suddenly I felt a hand was holding my fist. I jumped a bit because of the sudden contact. I turned my head upwards and a heavy sigh was let out. Its him. "What do you want, stupid?"
"What? I cant see you? Well, eventhough you dont want to see my handsome face, I still want to see your beautiful angelic face, okay?" My heart skipped a beat and my cheeks reddened. I quickly looked away. Stupid you and your chessy lines.
"look. I hate you. Stay away from me? You has a girlfriend yet you're holding my hand" I groaned as he tightened his grip.
"What? Says who? I dont have a girlfriend and awww you know you dont hate me. Anyway, you cant hate me because I err i-i.." He said with a cheerful tone. What? He dont have a girlfriend? Then? Last night was?
"Haida, last night. Why did you cried? You made me worried! You're so mean you know. You told me that I'm stupid. Hey, am I really that stupid? Hmm, please haida, tonight. Meet me at the same park. I wanted to suprised you, last night. But, you ended up crying. I dont know why you're crying and its hurted me to see my beautiful cried. You know what, I searched for you everywhere and finally I heard a girl crying and its you. Eventhough its hurted to hear what you told me last night. Its okay, I still wanted to see my beautiful princess.so, for now, lets head up to the class. I'll send you to your class. Lets go!" his words left me dumbfounded. "Eiii, you're day-dreaming again. Lets go!" He dragged you until you reached your class. He winked at you and left you dumbfounded twice.
Without you knowing, tears escaped from his eyes. He's sad when you didnt gave any reactions before. He loved you. That night, he wanted to ask you, begged you to be his girlfriend. But, he found you crying alone. He even prepared to make you happy. He wore nicely, he cooked dishes by himself, he did everything that you liked but you were misunderstood. Yeah, the woman was her cousin. She helped him with the prepare. He wanted you to meet her but you ran away. The night was miserable. So, he decided to make it up for you. Yeah, he knew you didnt meant what you said to him. He knew it....
AND THATS IT! Out of sudden, you felt pain. And you realised that THAT WAS JUST A FUCKING DREAM. Your LITTLE sister bit you with her not-so-complete teeth. Haha.
AHH, Kalau lah adik aku tak gigit aku, boleh la aku sambung mimpi aku yang takkan pernah terjadi ni. Haha. Anyway its just a dream. There's no way I'd holding men's hands or let them touch mine. I may looks stupid but hell no I have a stupid brain.
OHH. What an essay I've got here. Kkekke. What a dramatic dream yet sweet dream. If only this dream is real and I'll be on top of the world. So, I will just tell you how's the reunion in the next post. Haha.
Wahh, this feelings are the same when I finished updating my fanfics. Haha. Am I updating or what?
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