one relationship, thousands feelings
Assalaamualaikum. 안녕하세요 요요 ㅂㅁㅂ
Did you ever imagine how your relationship with your friends would feel like? Once i had a dream about that and seriously those past weeks were the worst, i was getting paranoid. Im scared, i could practically feel it, the feel of having something that youre freaking scared about.
Friends. Friends has seven words, so does trouble. Ironic, isnt it? Having friends are threatening, well there is a little bit of example; two friends, it makes you guys three if youre counted in. Sorry not sorry, but there is must be a friend that felt left out whenever the three friends walk together. Ahah ive been through those a lot and thats why im changing friends quite frequently. In my opinion, in my delusional aspect, those kind of friends are useless. They treat you like youre their long-lasting friends but in the inside theyre killing you with their filthy thoughts. Seriously it is not that im picky but friends can somehow be your enemy. So, it is vital to choose who and how you friends are.
As how im feeling right now, im regretting everything ive done in the past for choosing the wrong ones. At first, crying isnt my thing but these days im getting used to it. It hurts, to see someone whom you cared a lot, slowly fading away. It is pathetic, a real pathetic. More, i dont fucking know why cant i act all serious and mad when im facing them or to be exact, when theyre doing something wrong. Frankly, i had once make a promise that i'd never smile nor laugh whenever im facing them but damn im such a failure. An idiot that will never get mad at someone. Seriously, when i attempt to act all mad towards them, i cant. I embarrassingly cant. Just having a thought of them making those faces when im grumpy makes me feel guilty as fuck. Why? Please? Why? All of these feelings are so trying, almost suffocates me.
Since im starting to make friends, im a bipolar. I dont know why but i tend to be someone else when im with my family. It is like the whole world is mine. But, when im with those friends, i feel useless, pathetic, unscrupulous, almost everyone is mocking me. Yes, they may not know that i know about that, but yes i can see it. In their eyes, im just a spiteful brat who interferes their life. Their beyond-compare life.
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