pain from hell
Ive tried. Ive tried to laugh it off but i awfully cant. Am i really that weak? that useless? I terribly cried, remembering those memories. Seems like bad memories could stick in my head like glue than how good memories can. Those fucking bad memories. Seriously, im wondering. At the first place, why is it that im here? For what reason?
While listening to Missing You by Teentop, this song makes me even sadden. That awful feeling comes back whenever i hear ballad songs. Why? Is this my fate? To get hurt by someone else? Seriously, ive been wondering for years. If im not needed, why didnt they kill me before? Unless they want to see me suffer. Hahahaha what kind of family is that? Frankly, i had once have a thought about committing suicide. Ive tried. I tried to kill myself by pulling my hair off my head, scratch my skin hardly and more that i myself dont even want to remember them. I was hurted, badly hurted. Sadly that there is no one is here to comfort me, to make me feel special. Ive never gone through those but a hope wont hurt anybody, isnt it?
When they made a remark, "why dont you just die?" Hahahaha sorry but i really want that to happen. I really really absolutely want that to happen to me. Well who wouldnt when everyone here is willing to face death to have a talk with you. Here, im trying hard to laugh it off but i cant, tears are dripping and im hell tired with that. Seriously, should i not smile anymore? Should i not laugh anymore? Should I? Should I not?
As he slapped my face, grabbed my hair, punched my head, kicked my chest, i can do nothing. I can just stare and make some filthy remarks. But, once those remarks come out of my mouth, he slapped me, he grabbed me, he punched me, he kicked me and again i can do nothing since a woman's power is just like an ant's compared to men's. My own father scolded me for that, hahahaha seriously father you werent here from the start. You shouldnt scolded me for that. Ask everyone please, who wouldnt use mouth when you cant use your power to defend yourself? Hahaha please ask everyone, dad. I cant bear this anymore.
Again, listening to Baby dont cry by exo makes me cry even more. Hahahaha seems like im not that baby since ive been crying like hell right now. Argh i dont care anymore. Seriously, from now on, im going to act like a real bitch. Seriously, if it is hell that you give me, then it is a hundred times than hell that i will be giving you back. Bring it on, human. I would not care anymore.
I may be smile, but im sure. My mouth may be smiling, but beware. My heart and my eyes arent smiling so be careful. Just, be careful, guys.
OLD | NEW
